well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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