Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just found puke in my bra..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
