where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
