well I can't set my house on fire every night
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
