I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
