If i come over, it means nothing
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
