dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
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I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
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You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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