And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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