i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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