Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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