I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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