you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
