Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
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i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
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