Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
