after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
