yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
