I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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