It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
