I accidentally burped into my bong.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
