therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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