Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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