So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
