I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
