Will you blow on my dice?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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