just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Randomize
