low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
