alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So. Much. Porn.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
