Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
