Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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