I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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