He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
