On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Don't make out with my wife yet
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
