Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
