Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
