Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
