somebody snuck up and got me drunk
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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