You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
