i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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