Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
