Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
