went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
