Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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