so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
