I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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