You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
