i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
