Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
