I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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