Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
