I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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