by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
