I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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