I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You made out with two different species that night
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
