She's JV to your varsity
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
