got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
