Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
