ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
