where am i from again
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Who put my cat in the fridge?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
