"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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