i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
