Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
