I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize