How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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