I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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