never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
