So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
