My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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