Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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