I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
