Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
