last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
