when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
