GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
