Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
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bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
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the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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